If Oscar Wilde did cooking programs.

I love watching Masterchef “This, is ONNNNNE tough competition!”, and as each series goes by i am always astounded with the ingenious ways that Greg Wallace manages to articulate his food reviews. So seeming as i have once again slipped into watching the latest series of Masterchef the professionals i saw it fitting to give a homage the big sweet-toothed cockney wordsworth himself, with some of his finest gregisms. “Cooking doesn’t get TAFFA than this!” Greg Wallace we salute you.


– “You seem to have liquidised a frog.”
– “Tastes like a dream, looks like a complete mess.”
– “It’s a taste explosion!”
– “I wouldn’t marry your rhubarb, strawberry and ginger crumble – but I’d love to take it away for a dirty weekend.”
– “I happen to know a big boy who likes sweet things.” so do we Greg, so do we.
– “God, you’ve got some big flavours, boy!”
– “Its summery, its fruity … I’d stick my face in it.”
“I want to pick this plate up and run around the room with it above my head singing songs about rabbit wrapped in bacon.”
– “I just want to take a running jump into it.”
– “It’s like a lemon has just picked you up by the ears and given you a big snog.”
– “I tell you, my tastebuds are boogying with each other right now.”
– “Oooooh, that has flicked every one of my switches.”
– “Like a deadly assassin, the chilli comes creeping into your palate.”
– “As soon as you put that in your mouth the big sweet scallop comes up and gives you a kiss.”
– “That is just gooey loveliness!”
– “That’s a perfect, perfect harmony of tiny dancing flavours.”
– “It’s soft and it’s dreamy, its lovely, makes you want to close your eyes and float off on a sea of pudding.”

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